Artsy Encounters

I like it when restaurants have paper on the tables and provide you with crayons for doodling.

It makes me happy.

Probably because I'm slightly fidgety and have to have something to play with: the hem of my dress, or my rings, or my watch or something of the like. But when there's paper and crayons on the table it's like "Here, Erin! You get to be fidgety and no one will even care. You could even slaughter your fellow diners in a game of tic-tac-toe!" It's great.

The only problem is this seems to be a dying trend. All my favorite doodle-table joints are closing. I mean, Macaroni Grill is still going strong, but it's not the same. Their waiters take up too much canvas, I mean table, showing off while they write their names upside down so you know what name to yell when you are out of water or your bread mysteriously disappears. It's so presumptuous. Braggarts.

Luckily, I'm a problem solver. No, really. Where there's a will there's a way, and boy do I usually have the will. So, even though most places don't offer me crisp white table paper with sharp crayons, I have found a way of my own to doodle onward.

Condensation.

Seriously. It's amazing. Every water glass has it. It gets all over the table and then you can use your finger and doodle like crazy. I mean, you have to be a little subtle. you don't want the whole table to be wet. You also don't want the waiter to think you're five. And you REALLY don't want my mom, I mean your mom, to glare at you with one of those looks thats says, "Grow up. People are staring."

AND if you mess up it's easy to start over. The drawings don't last long anyways so it makes things even more imaginative. It's crazy to watch them fade or shrink before your very eyes. It's almost enough to make you awestruck or down-right contemplative.

It's improvisation, people. It's fun. And in a weird way, it's like you get to stick it to the man and all the fun haters in the world. All while eating lunch. Or dinner.

It's a win win win.

Lame-O Encounters

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like doing the opposite of what people expect?

Not like bad things. Just opposite things. Or maybe just different things.

For example, yesterday I was purchasing a sandwich for lunch and I paid with cash. The total was something like $4.94. I pulled out a five and four pennies, but I really wanted to pull out a five, a one, and three dimes just for fun. Or when I answer the phone, sometimes I'm tempted to say something other than "hello." *gasp* Something like "howdy," or "greetings," or "yo," or "Erin's Pool Hall. Who in the hall do you want?"

I think this sudden desire to change things up might mean I'm stuck in routine rut. It's not a bad rut. Just a predictable one. I have discovered that such ruts are a common occurrence in adult life, and this fact terrifies me.

I don't like routine ruts. They are boring. And really really lame. And they make me feel old and unexciting. Not that old = unexciting, I have a 84 year-old grandmother that proves that wrong, it's just.... blah. And I hate blah. Nothing blah is good.

Blah food = miserable.

Blah conversations = snore.

Blah relationships = lame.

Blah movies = painful.

Blah is the worst.

New life goal: avoid blah like the plague.

So, if you call me and I say something goofy, you know why. Consider yourself warned.

Maddening Encounters

What does this mean?

I hate stuff like this.

There are at least three of these signs on about a ten minute stretch of highway and I have no idea what they mean. There's not even a way to find out either. No website to visit. No date to Google. What am I supposed to do? Google the letter M?

It's maddening.

On a brighter note, there's a 40% chance of rain this weekend.

If you don't think that's a bright note then you clearly don't live in a place where it's been 105 degrees for three weeks.

Creeper Encounters

If you are someone I know, or even a somewhat normal person that happened upon my blog and for some reason continue to read it, this post is not directed at you.

HOWEVER...

If you are an Asian hooker, I'm talking to you.

STOP TRYING TO COMMENT ON MY BLOG.

I don't speak your language and will not be giving you any business, so save us both some trouble and get lost.

This blog is NOT about THOSE kinds of encounters.

Sheesh.

Simple Encounters

Lately I feel homesick.

Not for my hometown, my parent's house, my bed or even my parents - although, I do miss and love them loads and loads.

Instead I think I feel homesick for a time. A time when life felt a lot less rushed. A time when things just fell in place. Not that things are terribly difficult at the moment, it's just different.

Everything these days is either a really big deal, or nothing at all. When did life get so big? When did things become so heavy? It's just unnecessary if you ask me. Very few things actually qualify as "big deals." Why must we give the honor to undeserving candidates? It's exhausting. I'm starting to yawn just thinking about it. (either that or I'm boring myself with my own post, which would not bode well those of you suckers actually reading this...)

I feel too young to be this nostalgic for "simpler times," but I can't help it. I just want things to be simple when they can be. None of this blown out of proportion business anymore. Is that too much to ask?

Guess I'll have to employ the advice of the great Michael Scott via Dwight Schrute and remember to KISS. "Keep it Simple, Stupid."

Far be it for me to give lofty advice to others, but I strongly suggest you do the same.

Asthmatic Encounters

Kids do strange things at camp. They are out of their normal environment and routine, and it makes them.... Well, interesting. For example, a 12 year-old girl walked up to me at camp and started the following conversation:

Calm Kid: I'm having an asthma attack.

Me: Right now?

Calm Kid: Yes.

Me: Like, right this instant?

Calm Kid: (takes deep breath, waves at friend, nods) Yep. I'm having an asthma attack.

Me: Right now? At this very moment, you are having an asthma attack?

Calm Kid: (smiles, nods again) Uh huh. I'm having an asthma attack.

Me: Ok...

Now, unlike my boyfriend, I'm not an MD, so I might not be very well versed in asthma symptoms. BUT I checked WebMD (which is practically the same as being in medical school), and here's what they said:

An asthma attack is a sudden worsening of asthma symptoms caused by the tightening of muscles of your airways (bronchospasm). During the attack, the lining of the airways becomes swollen or inflamed and more and thicker mucus than normal is produced. All of these factors -- bronchospasm, inflammation, and mucus production -- cause asthma attack symptoms such as difficulty breathing, wheezing, coughing, shortness of breath, and difficulty performing normal daily activities. Other symptoms of an asthma attack include:

• Severe wheezing when breathing both in and out
• Coughing that won't stop
• Very rapid breathing
• Chest pain or pressure
• Tightened neck and chest muscles, called retractions
• Difficulty talking
• Feelings of anxiety or panic
• Pale, sweaty face
• Blue lips or fingernails
• Or worsening symptoms despite use of your medications.

If you have asthma, you may go for weeks to months without having any asthma attack symptoms. Then suddenly, when you least expect it, you might have asthma symptoms such as shortness of breath, coughing, and wheezing.

Guess they forgot to mention those asthma attacks disguised as normal breathing patterns.

Crazy-Busy-My-Life-Is-Not-My-Own Encounters

When I was in high school, our theater department did a production of Annie - shocking, I know. Being the theater nerd that I was/am, I was heavily involved in the show. No, I did not play the title role, despite the red tint in my hair... instead, I was the stage manager. For the purpose of this post, all you need to know about stage managers is that they have to be at all the practices. As a result of my perfect practice attendance, I STILL no every line in that show. No joke. (I'll save my thoughts on how my memory is waisted on trivialities for another day.)

Anywho, there's this line that Miss Hannigan - played by one of my best friends to this day - says:

"It never rains, but it pours."

Those words are so true. Really REALLY true.

Lately I feel like I can't have just one thing going on in my world. It's either a million things, or nothing at all. What's with that? What happened to "everything in moderation"?

Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be busy than bored, but I'd also rather have a butler than a vacuum cleaner. Most days, I'd love to have the butler, but every now and then you just need to vacuum yourself. Or at least have time to vacuum for yourself. (my brain is so fried, I'm not even sure that made sense... this is me not caring)

So, blogoshpere and my nine faithful followers, I apologize for my lengthy leave of absence. Following my upcoming two week adventure, I shall try my hardest not to neglect you again. I shall also try to return with more coherent thoughts and some lighthearted erindipitous encounters.