Fraction Encounters

Well, I saw another one. Custom license plates sure are plentiful these days.

This one is a little different than the past few I've posted. It wasn't difficult at all to figure out what they were trying to say. BUT trying to figure out why they said it proved fairly entertaining.

Take a look:



Here's a few of the possibilities I came up with:
1. They have five kids. One made it to college - just barely - and they are holding their breath as the other four navigate the wiles of middle and high school.
2. The car is being driven by a hit man/woman. They are out to exact revenge on a gang of five playground terrors who made middle school a living nightmare. They "took care of" one of them. Only four more to go.
3. They watch The Office and feel real connection with Creed. Since Creed wants three chairs, they decided to up the ante and go for five.
4. They are over-zealous and instead of just wanting to win an EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony) they have come up with a fifth prestigious award. Probably and Okie or something equally awesome and made up. They have secured the fictional award, now there's just four biggies to go.
5. They own a hotel and have earned one star. While this is certainly an accomplishment, they really need to get the other four. I mean, who wants to stay at a one star hotel?

I could go on for days, but I'll spare you.

Watching You Encounters

I consider myself to be fairly observant. I mean, I notice things other people don't. Mostly things that don't matter in the least, but I still notice them. This special talent can come in handy. "It's, uh, all about reading people."

But yesterday I was put to shame by a woman who observes and reports everything. EVERYTHING. I see her often and she always has the latest news. It's actually quite frightening. It has inspired a secret game I play: How long can you keep this information from so-and-so. I'm pretty good at this game. Shocking, I know. How could I be bad at a game I invented in which I am the only player?

Anyway, yesterday I left my house without my rings and my watch. It was just one of those mornings. I was at work for about an hour before I noticed my naked hands and wrist. I was thinking, "Oh well. It happens. Doesn't really matter. I can deal. It won't affect anyone else."

WRONG.

Last night after church, so-and-so walks up to me and says "I see you forgot your watch today. And your ring"

WHAT? How did she notice? Why did she notice? Why did she tell me she noticed? What am I supposed to say? What else did she notice? Is she going to tell people I'm not wearing my ring on purpose? This is why I sleep in my jewelry!

Needless to say, I was beyond uncomfortable and taken back. I smiled and nodded, "Yep, just rushed out of the house this morning and totally forgot them." (Shoulder shrug and walk/run away)

I have a new goal in honing my observation skills: never let your freakish attention to detail scare the bageezes out of someone else. It's not nice.

Old Encounters

In my line of work, I get to feel young frequently. I go on retreats, work at camp, go bowling, play laser tag and eat an ungodly amount of pizza. It's great.

However, there is another side to this equation.

For each youthful moment, there undoubtedly comes a moment when I feel... old. Like when I try and say some cool catch phrase that apparently went out of style decades ago. Or when I ask the kids if they have any Grey Poupon in their cars and they give me blank stares. BLANK STARES. Like I'm the crazy one. (Oh, and don't even get me started on T.V. sitcom references. The days of Uncle Jesse and Zack Morris are not even on their radar.)

Anyways, such is life. I've come to expect it. Good thing, too, because according to most adults it's probably just going to get worse along with everything else about my body or life. (Older people provide such optimism sometimes.)

BUT. Yesterday I had a "wow, I'm really old" moment that I'm still trying to get a mental grip on.

I was driving down my street and I saw the neighbor kids by the curb holding a sign. They had a little table set up and were waving at the cars going by. I thought they had a lemonade stand. It was adorable. I got all excited about it officially being summer time and kids being kids, but before I could even look for spare change I got close enough to read their sign. My idyllic thought bubble immediately burst into a million particles. Do you know what it said?

"WE CHARGE BATTERIES"

Seriously. What in the world? I don't even know where to begin with this extremely flawed business plan and what it says about kids these days, so I think I'll just abruptly end this post.

Geesh.

Spotted Encounters

Sometimes I write stuff at my desk and then put my pen down and forget to put the lid back on. And sometimes I then proceed to type things on my computer and do other "desky" tasks. And then sometimes, my arm looks like this:



Only sometimes, though.

Repetitive Encounters

I promise this isn't a license plate blog. I promise, promise.

But I also let my yes be yes and my no be no. So no, this isn't a license plate blog, but yes, I'm going to write another license plate post.

Check this out:



Here's what I've got:
1. Clearly the Bible Belt is full of license plate sermons. This person wants to go home. "Oh, to be in heaven!" They way they were driving, their wish could be granted sooner than later.
2. This was a newer van, and it could be some new scientific experiment. It might be an O-2, Boron, Nitrogen, Hydrogen V(a)n.
3. The driver is from Connecticut. They want to be back in New Haven. Oklahoma is alright, but oh, to be in New Haven...
4. Probably more likely they are from Kansas, and used to live in Haven, which is right next to Amish country. They moved here and miss the cinnamon rolls. Who wouldn't? Those things are gianormous and gooey and just generally great.
5. The van wants to be a New Hampshire van. They have more fun. Or so it's heard...
6. The driver wrote a song. It's called "Ode to Bee Hivin'." Nothing like fresh honey and epi-pens.

WOW Encounters

It happened again.

I saw another custom plate that sent my mind aflutter.*

It said:

WOW - OK

My possible, yet highly improbable interpretations:

1. The driver is in awe of Oklahoma. They are literally at a loss for multi-syllable words to describe the splendor of this state. "Like, wow, Oklahoma. Just Wow."
2.The driver is extremely distressed by the state of the state. As in "Wow, Oklahoma, are you really ranked as the 6th most obese state? Really? With just under 3.7 million residents in the entire state, this is the kind of recognition you're getting. WOW."
3. The driver is gamer and only mildly impressed by WOW - that would be World of Warcraft. They probably prefer Dungeons and Dragons or Halo or some other game. WOW** is just OK.
4. The driver's name is William Oswald Wentworth and he wants you to be OK with that. If you have a structured settlement, and you need cash now, call his cousin JG. WOW can't help you, so back off. OK?
5. It's an encrypted message to the driver's mother. If you turn WOW upside down it clearly spells MOM. If you turn OK upside down, you realize this tangent is a dead end.
6. The driver is a fan of Christian music but is constantly underwhelmed by the quality of the WOW worship albums. They are just OK. They've put out an album every year since 1996, but they still don't have the hang of it. He's disappointed, but supportive.
7. The driver is just generally sassy. I can hear their voice in my head: "Wow, OK? Just wow. I can't believe you went there. WOW."

What do YOU think it means?

*I really have no intention of turning this into a "check out this license plate I saw" blog, but I can't help it at the moment.
** The more you say "wow," the less it sounds like a real word. Try it. "Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow." Told ya.

TRI Encounters

Saw a custom license plate this morning while driving on the highway. It read:

TRI GOD

Now, if you haven't bothered to notice, I'm a little oenery and tend to play devil's advocate when things are obvious but not obvious enough to be beyond question. It's a bad, but mildly entertaining habit of mine.

So, given my propensity to ponder the irrelevant, I came up with the following list of possible meanings for this not so encoded message:

1. The person driving the car is a hard-core Trinitarian and, like St. Patrick really wants every one to know God is one God in three persons. He's a TRI(une) GOD.
2. The person would like God to put a little more effort into something. As in, "Try, God. Please!" Maybe they are the type who have been praying to win the lottery for decades and are convinced that a little more effort from the big man just might seal the deal on their luxurious retirement.
3. They want you to give God a try. Give Him a go, if you will. If you try God, you might like him. Just a suggestion from your fellow driver. I'm not the betting type, but I would wager that if you asked the driver, they might offer you a satisfaction guarantee.
4. The "i" in TRI could in fact be pronounced as a long "e." That would make this driver a fan of the Tree god, which is probably someone like one of Dionysus' friends or something.*
5. They are a photographer, and a devout believer in God and they want everyone to know that just as a tri-pod steadies a camera, God steadies their life. God is their Tri-Pod.

Yep. Ran with all five possibilities in a matter of 2 minutes.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. (I have no idea what that has to do with this post. It's just something I've been told.)

*You think this one is the biggest stretch, don't you? Well my senior year of college I took a class on the history of religion and the first day the professor made us say which religion, if any, we associate with. People said the typical answers, Baptists, Catholics, Atheists, Agnostics and ONE Hellenistic Polytheist. Yep, as in Zeus and all his buddies. I've learned not to be surprised anymore.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, strike three.