Friday, March 27, 2009

Frigid Encounters

Dear Weather,

Please make up your mind. If it's going to be a really long winter, stop teasing us with 80 degree days and then blasting us with blizzards (the kind not from Dairy Queen).

Your indecisiveness makes my head hurt and really irks my feet. They aren't too happy about getting to spend a week and a half in flip flops and then being forced back into socks and boots. They are claustrophobic.

Your speedy attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.

Please and thank you.



Saturday, March 14, 2009

Littering Encounters

I just treated myself to a chocolate chip cookie dough milkshake from Braum's. If you live in a part of the country/world that doesn't have Braum's, well then I am very sorry. Their ice cream is amazing.

As I was pulling through the drive-thru tonight, I paid the nice man at the window and then he asked me if I wanted my receipt. I said no. I have this terrible habit of getting receipts and then leaving them in my car. It gets pretty ridiculous, so I opted out of this opportunity to add to my mess. Anyways, when I said I didn't want it, he crumpled it up and dropped it outside the window. Seriously. I wanted to shake my finger at him like a disappointed, enraged old woman, somehow blaming him and his entire generation for the downfall of the entire world. But I restrained myself and just looked at him with my disappointed eyes.

I mean, why would he do that? And is it my fault that there is now one more piece of litter on the streets of my city?

I should have just opened my door and picked it up and handed to him and said something insanely witty and over his head. Oh well, shoulda coulda woulda...

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Knit Encounters

Today it was snowing, so I busted out my trusty knit hat to keep me warm on my treks to and from my car - and, who am I kidding? to help keep my hair from turning into a giant frizz ball. Anyways, I ran into this lady I know and she asked me if I made my hat. My first instinct was to laugh and say, "Ha. Do you even know me? Do these hands look coordinated enough to use knitting needles as something other than giant metal chopsticks?" Instead, I just smiled and said no.

But the more I think about it, the more I can't decide if I should be offended by her question. (Yes. Yes, I do have a terrible habit of over thinking things. Thanks for asking.) Seriously though, did she mean that my hat looked shabby and the only possible reason I would actually wear it would be if I had poured hours and hours of sweat and tears into its creation? I mean she didn't say, "Did you make your hat? It's really cute," or, "what fine craftsmanship that is." For all I know, she was appalled by my choice in headgear and will promptly be mailing the people at Banana Republic a letter chastising them for creating and selling something as abysmal as this hat.

Or maybe she just likes to knit and was ready to offer me an invitation to her next knitting party...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Explosive Encounters

I don't know why, but I've always loved gadgets. Not like those crazy gadgets "as seen on tv" that can be yours for one small payment of $19.95 (plus shipping and handling), but real gadgets like my iPhone and my camera and other cool electronic gear.

I recently watched Ocean's 11 and it was at the part *spoiler alert* where they blow up the vault door using those little stones that look like giant emeralds... Anyways, Danny has this cool little trigger device that sets off the bombs, and, call me crazy, I want one.

Now if you are from the FBI and you are reading this, I assure you you have nothing to worry about. I don't want to blow anything up. I just want one of those trigger things to do something amazing like start my dishwasher or dispense my laundry detergent. I just feel like life would be way more exciting and dramatic if I had a button that took care of these menial tasks.

Aw, geez. Now I sound lazy. Go ahead, world. Judge me. I'm still putting one of these on my Christmas list.