Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Lenten Encounters

What's the deal with all advertisers lying during lent?

They all have commercials advertising their "fish" products, and I'm pretty sure their pants are on fire. Majorly.

Take Wendy's, for example. That hot and spicy redhead is lying through her teeth. Her fish sandwich commercial begins, "It's that time of year again. Time for people to rush to Wendy's for their favorite fish sandwich!"


Who thinks, "Wow. It's February! I have to hurry! I get to go to Wendy's and eat fish!"?

I'll tell you who thinks that: nobody. Nobody thinks that.

Also, nobody thinks that "the best fish can be found at Arby's." NO BODY.

I know you're supposed to be good all year long, but I find lying to make a Lenten profit especially disturbing.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Airplane Encounters

I had to leave town for a weekend conference recently. The last time I traveled to said conference I got several good blog topics out of my journey. (Like this one and this one.)

Here are some things I thought of during my trek this time:

- They should limit the kinds of odiferous foods you can bring onto airplanes. Especially if it's a small airplane. The lady next to me on one of my flights was enjoying a wonderful sandwich from Subway but it was loaded with jalapeno peppers. I mean, really loaded. Not cool. Literally. My nostrils were burning.

- This whole thing where you have to pay money to check a bag has got to go. End of story.

- Also, the airlines have these new signs slash posters where they say "enjoy a drink on us!" and then they list all the drinks you can have while on your flight. How generous! You mean I can pay you almost $500 for a ticket, $50 to check my bag, and surrender my dignity in one of those creepy scanner things and you'll give me half a Coke?? I can't get over your giving spirit!
I'm not old. Or at least not THAT old, but I can remember the days when if you bought a ticket you could check TWO bags FREE, and you got a meal on every flight. Like a real meal. Served with actual metal utensils. CRAZY.

- I think all airport toilets should have those nifty automatic seat covers like they have in Chicago. It should be a standard requirement. I will add that to my list of goals for a future political campaign. (By the way, it just occurred to me that my award winning, undefeated campaign slogan will no longer work. "Vote for the Learned one," took me to the highest reaches of high school government. With my new last name, it no longer packs a punch. Heavy sigh. Oh well, Ghata get used to it.)

- Lastly, I wonder what they do with all the liquids and gels they confiscate from passengers at security. If it's more than 3 oz., they will take it from you. They must have piles of shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste and hair gel somewhere. I hope it's being put to good use. When I was little I used to think there were little elves who sorted the luggage and put in on the right plane and then back on the right conveyer belt. Maybe the elves get to use the products... One can only hope.