Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Restroom Encounters

Question: Why are department store bathrooms always located in a seemingly abandoned part of the building?


It seems like every bathroom is at the end of some scary deserted hallway, filled with half-empty cardboard boxes and clothing racks with nothing but empty hangers on them. The stores could be filled with people, but there's never anyone in the hallway leading to the bathroom. Even though I'm an adult, I feel like I could get kidnapped every time I embark on this frightening, but clearly necessary, adventure.

It's creepy. And I don't understand it.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Injustice Encounters

I'm not a feminist. I'm not a sexist. I'm not (too) crazy.


Having a wedding/getting married opened my eyes to a world of gender-based discrimination and injustice. Ok, maybe those words are harsh, but hear me out. Take a look at an abbreviated version of our boy and girl to-do lists (all because of the wedding):

- Get fitted for tux.
- Recruit other boys to get fitted for tuxes
- Help parents plan rehearsal dinner
- Show up
- Assure girl that the wedding will happen not matter who decides to be late
- Wear fitted tux
- Take pictures
- Marry girl you love
- Go on honeymoon
- Carry gifts into new house
- Change address on driver's license
- Change address with the Post Office
- Go to work
- Come home

No, really. Everything else. Watch:
- Plan the WHOLE wedding and all the details that are too long to list
- Assemble and send invitations
- Pick wedding dress
- Endure three fittings of said dress
- Pick bridesmaids dresses
- Find shoes, earrings and all other accessories
- Get hair and make-up done
- Freak out just a little
- Manage the personalities of everyone in attendance. particularly family
- Wear thrice-fitted dress
- Take pictures
- Marry the man you love
- Go on honeymoon
- Retrieve certified copy of marriage license
- Open and record all gifts
- Wash and find a place for aforementioned gifts in new house
- Return 4 of 5 crock-pots and 6 of 7 coffee percolators.
- Decorate interior of house
- Change name and address on driver's license
- Change name and address on social security card (this involves traveling to some kind of alternate universe where time moves at a glacial pace and nobody smiles.)
- Change name on EVERYTHING ELSE (credit card, health insurance, bank accounts, dr's office, dentist, FACEBOOK, twitter)
- Go to work
- Come home
- Be thankful for everything (including the fact that you in no way involved your last name in your blog title)

Tell me how that's fair. You can't. Because it's not.

The things we do for love. (heavy sigh)

p.s. I love being married. Really. "I do." I mean, "I have" (Orthodox pun intended).