Person,
The church was a polling place yesterday. This means nothing to me (since I don't vote here), except that it meant the church doors near my office were wide open all day. Why does that matter?
There are currently five flies in my office.
Did you hear me?
FIVE FLIES.
I can't handle it*.
*"It" may be defined as:
The swooping.
The diving.
The buzzing.
The puke they supposedly distribute with each landing.
The contaminated snacks.
The taunting glares they give me with their million eyes.
The way they swiftly wiggle their front legs.
I am not in the habit of asking "why" questions, but this is forcing me to make an exception.
Why, God? Why did you make these insects? What do they do for the earth? Why did you send them to my office?
If God were to answer via email, I think it may have a heading like this:
To: erin
From: God@aol.com
Subject: Re: That patience you prayed about
ugh.
p.s. clearly God would use aol as his email provider. He's had email since the dial-up days. The only other option would be the Yahoo variant "Yahweh," as illustrated in Bruce Almighty.
p.p.s. If your office is infested with flies, you may think about putting strips of sticky-side-up masking tape all over your desk and computer to trap the pests. This is a crafty thought, but it will not work and the flies will laugh at you as they dance on your snares.
