Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Security Encounters

Hello, internet browsing champions. (I figure if you found this blog out of all of the millions and trillions of web pages out there, you deserve to be called a champion.)

Welcome to my blog. It has taken me a while to get this off the ground. I have considered joining the blogging world for quite some time, but just never took the leap until now.

In my many years of life experience I have noticed that one of two things must be true: either strange things happen to me more often than most other people, OR I have a strange way of looking at things that are perfectly normal. Either way, I intend to use this blog to tell about my many strangely normal encounters.

Here goes nothing:

I have noticed recently that there are a great number of things with locks on them in this world. I mean, think about it: doors, gates, boxes, lockers, drawers, cabinets, cars, safes, fences, and even stores that sell locks.

Naturally, I am generally unopposed to this simple fact. I like my car, and I don't want anyone else to have it. Also, I like to feel safe when I'm at home and I am pretty gosh darn glad that there is a lock at the bank where my money is. However, I think we have gone a little lock crazy and started locking things that should never be locked.

For example, church doors. I hate that they have to be locked. I think they should always be open. But I understand that people suck and sucky people might come in and take stuff, so I've learned to deal with it. Still, there is one thing that I think should NEVER be locked:

Toilet paper dispensers.

Seriously, I am having a very hard time controlling my emotions on this issue. You see, here at my place of employment - as in most places - there are locks on the toilet paper dispensers in the stalls, which wouldn't really bother me except for the fact that our janitor has managed to lose every single toilet paper key. Yep. All of 'em. Gone. This means that all the dispensers are empty and there is no hope for having them filled anytime soon unless we get a toilet paper locksmith.

What's the point of the lock in the first place? If your life is so sad that you have to steal toilet paper from a non-profit office building then I think you can have all the toilet paper you need. But why must I suffer just because nobody trusts anyone in this world? This whole thing gets me everyday....multiple times. What can I say? I have a small bladder.

Here's to hoping your toilet paper is plentiful and readily available.


  1. Welcome to the Blog World. Hope you enjoy your stay.

  2. I liked your first blog! It was genius, really. From the ordinary to the profound, I tell you, it wins every time. You are already a pro at this thing!

    By the way, I once was the owner of a toilet paper key. Yep, when I was the camp cleaning lady, Summer of 2006, I was the person everyone wanted to find when their tp was running dry. And those keys are terrible, let me tell you. We broke at least four of them over the course of a month, and broken toilet paper keys does NOT equal happy campers! I throw my support behind the movement to abolish locks on tp dispensers everywhere!