Cow Encownters

Joe and I were driving on a road trip this weekend and we began discussing what animal we would least like to be. Everyone always talks about their favorite animals or which one they would love to be, so naturally we had to do the opposite.

Anyways, I confidently answered that I would hate to be a cow. It would be the worst. I listed the following reasons I thought being a cow would be a miserable existence:

1. You would have to stand in a field all day. Rain, sun, snow - no shelter.
2. You weigh a bagillion pounds and have super skinny legs.
3. You are alive and being fed just so you can be slaughtered and eaten.
4. Flies would get in your eyes all the time and you have no hands or any way to get them off of you.
5. If someone tips you over you could die because you have too many stomachs.
6. No one would ever talk to you or pet you unless they were about to eat you.
7. People would tug on your nipples all the time.
8. You would only run because someone is chasing you with a hot iron and trying to brand your skin with their initials or made-up symbol.
9. People would staple tags to your ears.
10. You would walk through poop all the time.
11. The most famous cows are the Chik-Fil-A cows and they are only famous because they are desperate and don't want to be eaten. Pitiful.

Joe? well he laughed so hard he nearly drove off the road. I thought I made a pretty good argument, but he just found my answer hysterical. I was being serious! I would hate to be a cow.

He said he would least like to be a sloth. How boring. Sloths aren't on the menu at any fast food places AND they get to sleep all the time. Seems like a pretty sweet gig to me.

Help me out people/person. Cow totally wins, right?

(These are the things that consume my thoughts. So much better than weddings or house buying. Seriously.)

Advice Encounters

(warning: this post has serious "rant" potential)

I know people mean well.

I know that they've lived longer than me.

And I know they want to be helpful and prevent me from making the same mistakes they did.

BUT if one more person offers me unsolicited and totally obvious advice on getting married, or buying a house, I will probably cause them or myself bodily harm.

Again, I know people mean well, and I know I don't know everything, and I'm all about learning and preventing trouble, but for the love! This is driving me mad.

Here are some examples of the precious gems of wisdom I have been offered as of late and the thoughts that run through my head as I force a smile:
- "You know, buying a house is one of the biggest decisions in life." Really? It's a big deal? I had no idea. Thank goodness you told me! I probably would have just drawn out of a hat.
- "Buying a house is a huge investment. Make sure you are smart about it." Again, thanks. I would have never known. Also, glad you told me to be smart about it because usually I prefer to be dumb about things.
- "You know, once you buy a house, you're stuck. You can't just move if you don't like your neighbors." Rats. I can't count how many times I've moved as a renter because of pesky neighbors. Guess I'll have to break that habit.
- "It's a buyer's market. Be sure you get a good deal." No thanks. I like bad deals better.
- "I have a house. You will love it. You should probably buy it." If you don't want it, why would I?
- "Your wedding is getting so close!" YOU THINK??? I hadn't noticed.

Ok, so I'm a jerk. I'm just not a big fan of Master's of the Obvious.

I am however, very grateful for our support system and extended family and people who care enough to chime in. Really, I am.